Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Looking over the edge

As you can probably imagine, the preparations for a trip such as the one I am planning are an emotional as well as a logistical challenge.  I am confident and strong in my desire and resolve to go, but do not hesitate to admit that at times the magnitude of what I am setting out to do seems impossible.  In the middle of the night I sometimes do feel that the loneliness of it could break me, that I am being a fool for wanting to do it at all.  But these moments are rare and brief, and I do not allow them to take root and grow.  

I feel like I am standing on the edge of a precipice, staring down cautiously over the steep edge, dizzied by the height.  In a couple of months I'm going to step off of that edge and throw myself into an brutal and lonely world.  I am aware of these things, and I can feel it.  The emotion is what you would expect: a rushing mixture of trepidation, excitement and wonder.  All these feelings swirl and surge together, stirred and strengthened by worries about my health, can my body do it? my mind, is my mind strong enough? and concerns over logistics, will I get everything ready in time?  But the most profound feeling, the feeling that reaches me most deeply, is the warmth of the support I get from friends and family.  I mean this quite honestly.  Even a small show of faith and endorsement matters to me and is remembered.  So thank you everyone who has offered encouragement and help.  Thanks everyone who has written letters and sent messages.  Thanks companies who believe in what I am doing and have offered support, and thanks to everyone for keeping me in their prayers.  

I am standing on the edge, and deep down I contain a mad swirl of emotions.  But my mind and resolve are clear, and I can't wait to step off.

No comments:

Post a Comment